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If I had my way… cell phones would be banished. I avoided getting one as long as was realistically possible, and I’ve hated this glorified walkie-talkie ever since. Cell phones seem to have become everyone’s universal security blanket, and I’m just left to wonder how anyone managed 20 years ago.

I mean, remember when waiting somewhere, you would have to sit in silence with your own thoughts or even make conversation with someone else in the same boat? Now, if left with a moment of idle time, people instinctively reach for the crutch in their pocket to drown out the agonizing void of being by yourself. Granted, I wouldn’t want to listen to most people’s thoughts either, but cell phones seem to have killed our abilities to be alone.

Remember when you set plans with someone a day in advance and showed up to the designated place at the designated time because if you didn’t, the other person would be left waiting with no idea if or when you’d ever arrive? Now, people feel at liberty to cancel plans or change times or locations at any point because it’s just a quick cell phone call and their accountability is instantly relieved, or one can run 20 minutes late everywhere, but with just a quick cell phone call, he or she can be stripped of any guilt because they let you know. Cell phones have made way for a generation of flakes.

Remember when you drove somewhere and had to know where you were going before leaving the house? Now, people sit on their phones monitoring directions and just call up a friend if they get lost. Cell phones have let people just forget how to deal with themselves.

Remember when family and friends would wait patiently at the airport for your flight’s arrival? Now, the moment a plane lands, half the passengers start up their phone and call their rides in order to ensure that no one actually had to waste any of their ever precious time. There are entire parking lots devoted to this practice. Cell phones have only fueled our collective impatience.

I could go on… but I don’t want to spend any more time thinking about how angry cell phones make me. I think worst of all, they have eliminated our abilities to unplug and collect ourselves without the worry of harassment from others. They’ve fueled a dangerous trend of society-wide ADD and need for stimulation, and I think everyone should just get rid of them. I plan to… the moment I deem it reasonable anyway.


3 thoughts on “If I had my way… Pt. 5
  1. Jesse says:

    “Cell phones have made way for a generation of flakes.” I hate that this is true.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Leaving my cellphone at home for even an hour makes me a little uneasy. It’s sad to admit that in any given, lonely moment, I desperately need to have my phone in my hand to avoid idle time. So sad, but so true.

  3. Matt says:

    Oh, and we’re all going to get brain cancer. Don’t forget that.

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